Never Be the Same
by Someone's Dissonance
Summary: A moment of passion changes Hisagi's life. This is how he copes. Read and Review Please
1. Take It All Away

Well, I had a lot of fun writing this. I don't really know where the idea was sparked, but as usual, music inspired me. We know Hisagi likes to drink in the first place. I just gave it a reason haha. =)

Beta: Aceia, once again. She's the best. You should check her stuff out, especially if ya are into HP fanfics.

Enjoy =)

Never Be the Same

Someone's Dissonance

It was another drunken night, a way to cope with the life he had grown accustomed to for some time now. He never bothered with a proper cup; rather, he drank straight from the bottle. He wanted to swallow the memories that plagued him, hiding them in places he hoped he would never find. Ironically, the alcohol only brought them back; playing them again and again as though they were on repeat. His calloused fingertips ran through his messy mane to trail down the three scar lines that ran down the right side of his face.

"_Shuuhei…"_ The voice always haunted him, seeping in his head every time he drank. The ninth division fukutaichou sighed waiting for the flood of memories to overtake him. It always started with his name being called out in the darkness of his room. Absentmindedly, he touched the black ink on his left cheek; the numbers sixty-nine formed there…_His_ numbers.

_It was after the last stand in the fake Karakura town. The fourth division was treating those that were wounded as quickly as possible while Hisagi stared on in disbelief at the unconscious man before him. __**He**__ was here and alive…Kensei was alive. Although the battle had taken quiet a toll on him, even needing the aid of the fourth division's taichou to treat the extensive wounds, he was alive. _

_Many were taken back to the Seireitei to stay in the fourth division's care at their barracks with the other wounded. Hisagi sat next to the hospital bed silently. None of the division dared to tell him to leave, knowing better than to disturb the fukutaichou. _

_It took days for the former taichou to wake, the brown eyes opening reluctantly to bright lights. Hisagi had been there when the Vizard woke, never leaving the other's side since he was brought to the fourth division. Yet the words from his idol had not been ones he had expected._

The alcohol made his thoughts incoherent, things he could barely comprehend. His chest ached every time a memory tried to surface, his left hand clutching his chest tightly. However, he continued to drink the intoxicating liquid.

_It had been over a week before Kensei was discharged from Unohana Taichou's care. Kensei was allowed to return to Karakura despite offers to stay in the Soul Society. He had remembered Hisagi, the boy he saved from a hollow a little over a century ago. Yet the attention the fukutaichou gave him was not wanted. The two of them walked quietly to the location of the Senkaimon, the gateway home for Kensei, although the former Taichou was thoroughly annoyed by the special attention the boy gave him. _

"_Why do you insist on following me around?" The former Taichou growled lowly, averting his gaze elsewhere. Kensei could not bear to look at the other's face, mainly due to the numbers that graced Hisagi's cheek. The numbers needed to stay in the past; it served as a constant reminder of what he once was._

_Shuuhei stopped, eyes widened slightly at the tone of voice. He was not one to be nervous but when it came to Kensei, a lump always formed in his throat. Stone colored eyes stared at the silvery mane Kensei possessed. When the Vizard could not hear the Kazashini wielder following him, he stopped as well. _

"_Let me repay you for the past," Hisagi finally muttered after some time. His hand had balled into a fist, dull fingernails scraping his palm. The Vizard did not answer; Kensei's brown eyes actually looked at the fukutaichou, a hard gaze towards the individual. Hisagi's heart fluttered at the stare, the lump growing in his throat. He thought about repeating himself, but Hisagi knew the older man heard him the first time._

"_And how do you suggest paying me back?"_

His flesh was hot to touch, a thin layer of sweat covering his body. Hisagi's world was crashing around him once more. He fumbled around in the darkened room, fingertips searching for the other sake bottle. The first lay abandoned next to him, emptied some time ago. Ash colored eyes lit up shortly, his hand grasping the round bottle of fresh sake victoriously. His zanpakuto helplessly watched from their connected inner world; he could not help his wielder in this matter. The bottle tilted, the fukutaichou taking large gulps of the liquid.

_It had been months before things in Soul Society had begun to return back to normal. Hisagi was going to the human world with one objective. He was determined to find Kensei._

_It was night as the ninth division's fukutaichou stepped out of the Senkaimon to Karakura town. He knew the Vizard was somewhere in the depths of the town. Hisagi remembered distinct instructions to locate the ex-taichou. His reiatsu flared momentarily, the signal to Kensei. From there, Hisagi waited on top of a telephone pole. He tried to relax but his body was tense; his palms sweaty and his anxiety steadily growing. Hisagi fiddled with his pants, something the ninth division had never seen its fukutaichou do. _

_Hours past before another flare of reiatsu answered Hisagi's own call. During the wait, he must have closed his eyes. When he opened them, he was met with the appearance of Kensei._

"_Can't say I thought you would show." The Vizard laughed, his lips turning into a smirk. "Are you sure this is what you want…Shuuhei?" _

Hisagi moaned painfully. The bottle was half-empty, the distinct taste of sake tainting his mouth. His lithe form slid further down, lying on the tatami mat. The fukutaichou's half-lidded gaze absentmindedly watched the ceiling. Slowly, it spun, confusing the young man. Soft pants escaped into the air through his parted lips.

_Hisagi was forcefully pushed against the side of a building, Kensei's lips covering his own. A hand was tightly wound in Hisagi hair, immobilizing him. Teeth bit roughly into the Kazashini wielder's bottom lip, demanding entrance. He could hear Kensei growl lowly, a warning of what was to come in case of disobedience so he complied. The older man's tongue explored the new territory. Hisagi could taste the coppery fluid that the Vizard produced, but it did not matter. _

_The hand that was not fisting his hair snaked through the uniform's top, rough fingers mapping out Hisagi's chest. His head was jerked back; the sun-kissed flesh of his throat exposed to Kensei's newly freed mouth. The younger man hissed quietly as the Vizard's teeth sunk in his neck, worrying the flesh. His back arched, a growing need prodding the dominant one's thigh. The fukutaichou wrapped his arms around the other's muscular form, nails digging into the flesh. _

_Kensei pulled back suddenly, a predatory smile gracing his lips. Nails grazed down Hisagi's chest, barely teasing the dusky colored nipples under his sleeveless top. The uniform was in the way of the wandering hands. The material was ripped skillfully from Hisagi's body, leaving his chest bare to the Vizard. His flesh flushed, crimson becoming the background for the tattoo on his cheek as the ex-captain's sinful lips captured his left nipple, teeth nipping at the nub. _

"_Shuuhei…" _

_The husky tone rang sweetly in Hisagi's ears, a soft moan escaping from his swollen lips. The loose pants he wore were pulled to his thighs, leaving him exposed to Kensei. His hair was finally released, a dull tingling sensation overcoming his scalp as the former Taichou's right hand gripped the younger man's proud erection, pumping the muscle painfully slow. _

"_I'm not going to stop," the older man's voice whispered against his flesh, trailing lower to Hisagi's stomach. _

"_I'm…not stopping you," his rasped in reply, arms falling off his savior's shoulders only to plaster his hands against the brick wall. He could feel Kensei smirk against his navel as the hand was removed from his penis drawing a whimper past his lips. The ex-taichou placed his hands on Hisagi's waist, pinning him to the wall as his mouth descended to capture the appendage between his lips. Hisagi's eyes widened at the feel of the wet cavern around his length, only to become half-lidded a moment later. The Kazashini wielder suppressed a moan when Kensei sucked teasingly on his cock, his tongue stroking the underside of the muscle. _

_All the while, a finger prodded at the younger man's entrance, toying with the tight ring. Hisagi's head bowed, a lust filled gazed directed at the Vizard. Their eyes met and Hisagi knew Kensei could see the desire on his scarred face. The fukutaichou wanted to move his hips, to push himself farther into that sinful mouth, yet his savior's rough grip kept him in place. _

"_Mu…gu…" He could not finish the word, a moan ripping out of his mouth as he came. His pants were harsh, hardly believing what had occurred. Before Hisagi could come down from his orgasm, he was spun around, chest pressed against the bricks. He could feel Kensei's rough hands take hold of his arse, parting the mounds for access. The next thing he knew, those lips were on the tight ring of muscle, semen being pushed inside by the immoral tongue that was just licking his cock. It was an unusual sensation, the feel of the wet appendage putting Hisagi's own fluid back inside of him. However, it went straight to his reawakening length, the ruggedness of brick taunting the sensitive area. "Kensei…" _

"_Do you want me to fuck you Shuuhei…?"_

His hand was pumping his erection, eyes closed in intoxicated pleasure. His knees were bent slightly, pants down to his ankles as he touched himself, imagining it was not just him. He grunted lowly, teeth holding his bottom lip delectably between the rows. This was not how he wanted to be touched; he wanted that night to occur again. The Kazashini wielder arched his back as his hand sped up the other one reaching down to play with his arse.

"Kensei…" He moaned to no one but himself, gripping the throbbing length tightly as his hand moved up and down it.

_He nearly screamed in pained pleasure, gritting his teeth and balling his hands into fists as his body was forced to open for his savior. His right cheek was brutally pressed into the building, indentations forming on the scarred skin. Kensei stilled momentarily after being fully sheathed in the younger man. Hisagi's legs felt weak, the new feeling of being taken overcoming his senses. Surprisingly, a calloused hand rubbed the area between the tanned man's shoulder blades, attempting to relax him to a degree. _

"_Ken…sei…" He panted heavily, gray eyes looking to a side to see a glimpse of silver hair. Slowly, the dominating one began to move, resting his large hands on Hisagi's slim hips. The fukutaichou grunted as the other began to move, his back arching slightly to relieve the pressure on his penis from the grit on the building. He could feel some blood trickle down his leg, but the pain was something that he did not mind. In fact, he wanted it. _

"_So fucking tight…" Hisagi heard Kensei whisper against his neck before nipping along his neck. The younger man hissed in response, thrusting back into the other wantonly. Hisagi wanted him deeper; he wanted all of him. "Does it feel good…Shuuhei?"_

"_Yes," He moaned loudly, his shoulders shaking in pleasure. Every time the Vizard said his name, it sent a pulse straight to his cock, igniting a fire within him. Kensei moved faster, his thick length pushing roughly into the fukutaichou. With every thrust, Hisagi was pushed against the building, gasps of air leaving him every time. _

"_More…" The fukutaichou demanded through gritted teeth, his eyes closed shut. He could almost feel the Vizard smirk behind him as those large hands gripped harder on his hips. He knew he would be bruised in the morning. _

_Kensei was more than happy to oblige to the demand. He thrust deep and hard inside of Hisagi's lithe form. Hisagi groaned at each suckle and bite that Kensei left along his shoulders. Each bite was a mark of ownership that Hisagi cherished. He had allowed Kensei to possess him and the Vizard knew it. Every sound, every thrust back into the cock inside him belonged to Kensei. _

_The fukutaichou did not even need the Vizard to touch his penis. He nearly came as soon as Kensei began to thrust just right, hitting his prostate every time. His threw his head back, ashen eyes wide as he nearly screamed the first time it was hit. It was too much. His elbows were bleeding because of the force of the thrusts, his knees felt weak, legs shaking; he wanted completion. _

_He heard the man groan behind him before teeth sunk harshly into the nook between his shoulder and neck. He could feel himself being filled by Kensei, and it sent him over the edge. He cried out once more, staining the wall with his semen. Kensei rode out his orgasm, slowing his thrusts until he slumped against Hisagi's back. _

_The two stood there for some time, Kensei still inside of him. Despite that, the fukutaichou could feel fluids dripping down his leg, the mixture of blood and semen. Little by little, they regained their breaths, Kensei pulling out afterwards. Hisagi nearly fell onto the dirty street, his legs finally deciding to give out. Thankfully, the former taichou caught him, arms delicately holding the slim waist of Hisagi. Finally, their eyes met since the situation had begun, both still drowning in desire and completion. _

"_You are mine." _

The drunken fukutaichou quieted his breath, his stomach covered in come. His eyes lazily watched the ceiling, a ritual that had started since the first encounter with Kensei. He desired the touches, bruises and even the bloody mess they created to occur again. Yet it would not.

"I am yours," he muttered in a slurred voice. Sleep was overtaking him, his breathing slowing and eyes becoming heavy. Before they shut however, he muttered one last thing to the ceiling. "Yet it'll never be the same without you."


	2. Nothing and Everything

Well. Here is part two; I have decided to make it a three-part story. There is some implied rape, although I am not messed up enough to actually go in detail or anything on that sort of thing. Although there is a lot of alcoholism and angst, I'm really enjoying writing this. It's just in my ballpark honestly. =) So sorry if some themes are found offensive and whatnot.

Never Be the Same

Someone's Dissonance

-

"You have no fucking clue what I am going through, Kira."

"I'm not saying that I do." There was a flare of reiatsu, a mass of spiritual pressure anyone in the general vicinity of the ninth division's office could feel. Kira, the third division's fukutaichou and acting Taichou, barely twitched at the angry wave his friend had released. Blue eyes met the angered gray irises, the taller man muttering things under his breath. "There was nothing ¾"

"Do not say it." Hisagi stormed around the ninth division's office, his friend and fellow fukutaichou watching helplessly at the scene. The office was in chaos: papers littering the ground, the desk in disarray and the proof of Hisagi's alcoholism appeared throughout the office via empty sake bottles. However, the ninth division fukutaichou was in worse condition. It looked as though the man had not seen the light of day in a long time, shadows casting under his eyes from lack of sleep and basically a mess. "I know that already. This is my demon Kira; let me deal with it on my own."

"We have been letting you do this for over two years now Hisagi-san. I am not saying you need to get over it but you cannot keep drowning yourself in sake. Just look at your office, there is no structure whatsoever in here anymore! We just want to help you Hisagi-san."

"Then leave!" The dark haired man shrieked at his comrade, uncaring of his tone of voice or the other's feelings. No one understood what Hisagi felt, what the whole situation did to him. He was _trying_ to overcome it, come to terms with the fact that he was not here. "Sometimes people can't be put back together just like that! Leave me to my own fucked up world." The Kazashini wielder heard the blonde sigh. He could not bear to look in his friend's sorrow filled blue eyes. At the moment, he did not care to see such a sight. His hands dramatically slammed on the desk making more papers fly in the disheveled room, using it as support. His tired body bowed downward, eyes staring down at the mess of a desk until he heard the door shut. Kira had left, just like he asked. If only he could wish things to be how they were and it worked.

_Hisagi would try to visit Kensei for at least two days every month. It was all he was able to afford, and even then, he was stretching it a bit too much. The process of finding a new taichou for three divisions was still ongoing. Many were suggested, but the rules of becoming a taichou hardly left leeway in the situation; so three divisions were run by the fukutaichous: Hisagi, Kira and Hinamori. Kensei was his sweet release from duties. Work was unrelated in their relationship. However, that was due to the Vizard not caring about the condition of Soul Society. _

_Hisagi finally made time to take off to the real world. Yammato had not only approved the vacation but two weeks worth of it. He was heading to the Senkaimon, suppressing his excitement. Kensei was going to be at the gate's exit._

_He was almost through, the black butterfly fluttering ahead of him. He started to spring, the excitement overtaking him. Hisagi could see the light._

"_Shuuhei…" That smile could let Hisagi die happily. _

The fukutaichou grinned victoriously, a full bottle of sake at hand. Normally, memories never flooded when sober. Most likely, Kira's attempt at intervention began the assault of the past, so he was going to remedy it in his own way. His thumb popped the bottle open, tilting it to allow the liquid to drain down his throat.

However, deep down he knew this would be problematic in the end. He just did not care. Instead, he sat at his disheveled desk, drinking the alcohol as though it was water.

_They did not go to the Vizard's hideout. It was not as though the group did not trust Hisagi; the former taichou did not want to deal with the rest of the Vizards. Instead, they stayed at an apartment Kensei rented to get away sometimes. _

_When they entered the one bedroom apartment, Hisagi stopped to glance around. It was neutral colored and very simplistic. It seemed like something Kensei would do to his own private place. There was minimal furniture, probably because he rarely came there. However, for two weeks, this was their home. A hand on his left upper arm brought him out of his daze, gray eyes looking back towards the other. _

"_It's really not that amazing Shuuhei, I promise." Kensei chuckled softly, as he began to lead the younger one towards the bedroom. It was as though the former taichou knew that Hisagi was tired. After all, it was well past midnight and most likely, the fukutaichou had worked in the ninth division office right until it was time to leave. _

_The bedroom was even more simplistic, if that was even possible. In the corner of the room was Hisagi's gigai, something Urahara had set up for him for the duration of his stay. Although he had one at his apartment in the Seireitei, he did not feel like lugging the thing along. The younger man debated if he really wanted to deal with the item, quickly deciding against it. _

_Hisagi crawled onto the bed tiredly, his head heavily falling on the soft pillow. It felt wonderful to be away from the normal life of Seireitei. His eyes closed, relishing in the freedom of being lazy. He could even __**sleep in.**__The Vizard chuckled somewhat before some pressure on the bed indicated to Hisagi that the other was going to join him. Sleepily, the young man smiled, feeling the rough fingertips touching his cheek. _

"_You are such a kid sometimes." _

The distinct sound of glass shattering indicated that the fukutaichou was done with the first bottle of sake. His left hand clumsily felt for the handle to the bottom drawer of his desk, fully intending to grab another bottle. His glazed eyes watched the glass fall dramatically down the wall, shimmering like ice until it cluttered the floor. Well, at least something else can be shattered with him.

"What the hell is so wrong with drinking anyways…" He muttered to himself. He sighed loudly; he was frustrated with the conversation he had with Kira and everything coming back at once. Hisagi wondered if there would be a day where the past would not repeat itself.

_The sun was setting, orange hues reigning the sky. It was a nice summer evening, a soft breeze. Kensei had taken the Kazashini wielder to the park that evening. Hisagi was still getting used to the feel of being in a gigai, as he rarely had to use one when being sent to the world of the living. Kensei had even picked up some clothes that would be more suited for the fukutaichou._

_No one would be able to tell it was Hisagi if he did not have tattoos and scars on his face. He wore a pair of khaki shorts, stopping just past his knee and a black sleeveless shirt. Simplistic, he could tell that Kensei picked the outfit out. Nevertheless, the style worked for him._

_They walked close to each other throughout the park, little kids running back to their parents and other couples walking. They spoke about random things such as what Kensei had been doing before his reappearance or how Hisagi was trying to learn how to play the guitar. Hisagi found it exciting. Here, he was not a shinigami, a fukutaichou pretending to be a taichou; he was just a man. _

_They sat under a tree, relaxing as the night sky began to form. Unlike most of the couples roaming the park, they made little physical contact in public. It just was not their style. The night progressed, and soon the two of them were the only ones in the park. _

"_Why did you end up coming Shuuhei?" Hisagi knew what the former taichou was talking about: their first encounter. The younger man visibly shuddered at the memory of that night against the building before ashen eyes looked over into pools of brown. Kensei waited for his answer patiently. Yet, they both knew what sort of answer he would give._

"_I wanted to. I still would like to continue this as well, if you can keep up." The former Taichou's eyes narrowed slightly at the last part but he knew it meant well. "Think you can do that, Muguruma-San?" The older man sighed loudly at the sound of his last name and the honorific with it._

"_Why the hell are you going to start calling me that now? I think we are past that sort of thing Shuuhei. Just call me Kensei."_

"_If you say so. Why did you agree to this anyways?" Brown eyes averted away from the younger man. Still, Kensei had issues looking at the maimed face: the scars on the right side and his numbers on the left. The marks that proved the young man had been through enough in life. Gingerly, the former taichou leaned forward, barely an inch away from the other's face._

"_Despite the fact you carry my number, you're still sexy as hell." He smirked shortly before taking a quick, heated kiss from the other. Hisagi's eyebrow raised some, fully knowing that more was to come later when they were back at the apartment. _

"_I see how it is; I'm just some hot piece of ass to you."_

"_Not any hot piece of ass Shuuhei…my hot piece of ass. I guess I'm gonna have to make another mark on your neck for you to remember that. You're quite forgetful."_

There was an urge to vomit, one that he suppressed with the true skill of an alcoholic. His left hand tangled itself in his messy mane, nearly pulling the raven strands from his scalp. In his mind, a war raged. The argument was going full force, a small voice of rationality attempting to tell Hisagi exactly what Kira tried to.

"Quiet… I don't care what you have to say…" He uttered to himself, the burning feeling one feels before vomiting rising in his throat. How many times had this argument been played in his head, a fleeting thought waving through the chaos? "You have **no** **idea** how hard this is…" Finally, the vomit came forth, sake being the only thing coming up. The Kazashini wielder couldn't remember the last time he ate a decent meal. He couldn't remember a time where sake was not present in his system.

His eyes lazily looked down at the direction of his vomit, mentally patting himself on the back for not making a mess. Somehow, he had made it into the wastebasket next to the desk. Despite the disposing of the fluids just moments ago, his head tilted back to take the last bit of sake from the bottle. He was drinking too fast; normally, he would at least somewhat pace himself. Once again, a bottle ended up crashing against the wall. As if the floor by the wall was not a danger already.

"Fuck…I miss you…" Another bottle was grabbed, opened with haste to continue his drowning of the fermented rice. "I don't want to live this horror story anymore." Hisagi was becoming desperate, the familiar lump in his throat forming.

_Hands were covering his body, ripping what clothing he wore to bed. It was not the familiar kind of touch Kensei possessed. No, this touch was more demanding, aggressive; it forced the man onto his stomach. Only moments before, Hisagi had been sleeping peacefully on his side. In fact, he could have sworn the former taichou was sleeping just as soundly next to him, an arm draped over his chest._

"_Kensei…what…" There was a sharp pain on the back of his neck, canines ripping the flesh to produce a wound both purposeful and possessive. "What the FUCK are you doing Kensei?" Hisagi was panicking, anxiety levels increasing by the millisecond. _

"_Brat, I am doing what Kensei doesn't deserve." _

That was always the worst memory and the only one that he was capable of somewhat suppressing. He absolutely hated it. That night had occurred five days into his stay and that was when he found out the whole story about the hollow within. Hisagi was not angry about it, he knew what had happened and even forgiven the Vizard for it entirely. However, it would always sneak up in his consciousness, a constant reminder of the beginning of the end.

"_So…you are both a hollow and shinigami…" At first, the concept was perplexing to Hisagi. Most did not know of the process of hollowfication. "And…you were forced into this?"_

"_Yes." Kensei was ashamed of himself. The fact that somehow his hollow had overtaken his sleeping form disturbed Kensei greatly. It had never happened to the former taichou and there should be no reason for it to occur now. _

"_I'm not mad at you. It wasn't your fault."_

His left hand trailed down the scars on his face, a headache becoming apparent in his drunken state. It was hard to breathe, his heart pounding in his chest. The haphazard looking room felt stuffy, the fukutaichou was becoming sweaty due to the climate change. He needed to get out. The end was near, and he did not want to see it.

Clumsily, Hisagi made it to the office's door, sliding it open. Once he made it out of the ninth division, the outside world met him welcomingly. The air was refreshing, just what he needed. He was in a disbelief state however, noting that the sky was dark. Had he really been drinking all day? The Kazashini felt horribly sick, the urge to vomit rising again. Half-lidded eyes stared at the newest empty bottle. Was this all really worth it? His alcoholic behavior brought forth the greatest tragedy of his life.

_Hisagi was back in the ninth division's office. He had been back for a little over a week. The fukutaichou missed the Vizard. Despite the incident, the two had a wonderful vacation together._

_His ashen eyes peered down at the object in his right hand, the silver chain glimmering in the sunlight. It was a dog tag necklace, the characters of sixty-nine on the back of the charm. He smiled somewhat, the words the Vizard said when given the necklace ringing in his mind. _

"_Yeah I know Kensei…our numbers." The man smiled fully, but instantly returned to a stoic expression when he heard urgent footsteps approaching his office. _

"_Hisagi Fukutaichou!" It was Kira, panting loudly as though he ran the entire way to Hisagi's office. Something was wrong; the Kazashini wielder standing up immediately, chain slipping into his pocket. "Come quickly please. There has been an incident in the world of the living." Perplexed, Hisagi followed Kira, still running as quick as possible. _

_They headed to the Senkaimon, the hell butterflies flying rapidly ahead of them. It was urgent and Hisagi did not understand why. He did not want to meet the light this time around, a gut feeling telling him something was horribly wrong. There was an emptiness forming…_

"_Hisagi-San…I hate to be the bearer of bad news…" _


End file.
